my night in shining armor.yea right.

2010-05-11T23:12:00.003+08:00

Your heated gaze upon my flushed face
Your soft lips upon mine
Your fingers caressing every part of my trembling body

Do you see how you make me?
How I melt under your touch?
The way your fingers leave a trail of hot lingering feelings
Tingling through my body
Blazing through me like a comet in the sky

You make me want to hold you tight
To never let go
You make me want to tease you
To make you tease me right back
You make me want to love you
To the very ends of the world
To follow you through every obstacle you may meet
To bring you through life
Together

Love
You
Me
Together

2010-04-30T11:43:00.000+08:00

Goodbye my friend
Goodbye my love
Goodbye this painful feeling in my heart

Did I tell you I miss you?
Do you know I do?

Did I tell you how much you mean to me?
Do you know how much I do?

I loved you
I love you
I will always love you

2010-04-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

Hate me
Hate me for the hurt I've done to you
Hate me so when I disappear off this earth you wouldn't hurt so much
Hate me
Please

2010-04-26T21:18:00.002+08:00

You said you loved me
Then you disappeared
And now you're back
Saying that maybe
You didn't love me after-all
Not at all
Just the physical love of sex
Just the emotional love of pleasure
Who were you kidding?
You never loved me
But I fell for it
And now it hurts

2010-04-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

I see you in front of me
As I stretch out my arms towards you
Trying desperately to reach you
A hug
All I needed was a hug
That's what I told myself
A hug
A kiss to the forehead
To tell me everything was going to be okay
You turned around
Without looking at me
And left

2010-04-25T11:41:00.003+08:00

Through the jokes, laughs and memorable times
I fell in love

Through the pain, tears and sad memories
I fell in love

Through the days of running through the rain under a single umbrella with my shirt completely soaked
I fell in love

With you
The one who captured my heart
The one who already has a lover

Through all the pain I've felt from this unrequited love
I fell out of love
Forever

2010-04-24T17:30:00.001+08:00

You walk towards me with that passion in your eyes
Arms outstretched
You walk right past me
To that brazen beauty behind
A hug, a peck on the cheek
The tears fall

2010-04-24T06:16:00.002+08:00

You once said you hated me.
Then I found out from your friends that you saved every msn conversation we had.
You lied.
Why?

You once said you despise me.
Then I found out from your mother that you kept pictures of me on your wall.
You lied.
Why?

You once said you detest me.
Then I found out from your sister that you memorized my various mobile numbers.
You lied.
Why?

You once said you loved me.
Did you lie?

2010-04-22T19:37:00.002+08:00

The heart beating inside my chest
Under the bosoms heaving as I cry
Beats for you

The heart beating inside my chest
Under the bosoms trembling as I whimper in fear
Beats for you

The heart beating inside my chest
Under the bosoms pressed tightly against my knees as I curl up
Will always beat for you

2010-04-21T23:13:00.001+08:00

How many cuts can I make?
How much blood can I lose before I lose consiousness?
How much pain can I take before I lose my mind?
How many times can my heart be broken, torn apart, ripped in two?
Lets count.
Lets wait.
We'll see.
And when I finally die, please.
Throw away that heart in your hand.

2010-04-21T17:58:00.005+08:00

Copy-writed from a facebook group~
Hope you guys out there learn something from this :3

100 things girls want guys to know:

1.A girl will always, always, always, find out if you lie, so don't do it.
2.We don't like talking dirty as much as you like hearing it.
3.We aren't as open about what we do in private as you are so don't ask
4.Don't ask a girl about her weight, she'll freak out.
5.Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt if you hurt her.
6. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
7: A girl will do almost ANYTHING to bring your name up in a conversation
8. Girls always talk about guys, like, ALWAYS. So don't even think about cheating, cos we will find out.
9.We don't like being called sexy or hot. Calling us beautiful will always score you more points.
10. PMS: It really does make us feel like shit, so don't be grossed out by it because then it just makes us feel worse about ourselves.
11. We want to be with you. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter when, we just want to be with you.
12. If you kiss us in front of your friends, jackpot (: .
13. If we slap you, you deserved it bitch.
14. We don't mind paying for half of everything. But it makes you look like an asshole to everyone else.
15. A girl should always get three things from her boyfriend during the period of the relationship: a stuffed animal; a sweatshirt of his; a ring or a necklace, no matter how serious the relationship is.
16. If a guy is bothering us and we tell you, it's not because were trying to piss you off, its because were scared and want you to protect us.
17. When shes texts you late at night, its because she cant get you out of her head.
18. We're very jealous, so if your talking to your girl friend ( friend that is a girl) , pull your actual girlfriend closer to you, to make her feel more important.
19. When shes mad at you, kiss her.
20. When shes not mad at you, kiss her.
21. When shes upset, kiss her. ( do you see a pattern? )
22. DO NOT flirt with our friends or relatives, even jokingly. It pisses us off.
23. Guys that smell good = HOT.
24. Okay, seriously, NOT EVER GIRL IS GOING TO BE A SIZE 3 so learn to deal with that, and look for something more then a girl that can pull of a bikini, because very few can.
25. When shes upset and she puts her head on your shoulder, she wants you to put your arm around he rand tell her everything is gonna be okay.
26: When a girl bites her lip, she wants you to kiss her.
27. Don't beat around the bush. If you want to know something, just ask us. If we don't tell you, then we don't want you to know. point blank.
28.When she asks you what she should wear, its because she want you to think about her looking cute.
29. Girls like wearing sweats more then tight jeans and little tees so don't even judge a girl by what she wears to school.
30. Cute love letters, flowers in her locker, and surprise hugs will always score you major points.
31. No matter how much of a bitch she may be, you HAVE to be nice to the best friend(s) because they are going to know your relationship inside and out.
32. If you introduce us to your friends and your going out, you damn better call us your girlfriend or we will move on.
33. When we complain about something hurting, we really mean touch me here.
34. Girls love when you play with their hair and touch their face. It most definitely will make a girl blush and smile.
35. Its hard for us to trust people, but once we trust you, we honestly and truly trust you.
36. If you don't think the relationship is going anywhere, TELL US, don't go and tell your friends and then break up with us. It will seriously scar us for the rest of our lives.
37. Girls like being picked up and carried around, but BE CAREFUL. We're fragile.(:
38. Girls love a guy that can make them laugh.
39. Ex girlfriends piss us off. So if your not sure if your over them or not, don't even bother with us.
40.Girls love it when guys comment on our eyes. It shows that your looking at us, not our boobs.
41. Don't tell us that you understand when you don't.
42. When were mad at you, we're freaking mad, so let us cool off before you say you're sorry.
43. We always dream about being kissed in the rain
44. Once you tell a girl that you can play the guitar or you can sing, she will wait for the day when you perform for her and she will fall for you (:
45. Sensitivity is a good thing, but don't make us be the man in the relationship.We want someone that's gonna protect us, not someone that we're gonna have to comfort every night, we have enough insecurities of our own.
46. Girls like guys that are spontaneous. If you like a girl, walk up to her and be like "Wow your gorgeous can I have your number?" Seriously it makes our day (:
47. If a girl really trusts you, she will tell you everything that's bothering her, so listen don't just tune out and ignore us, its a major thing if we tell you that stuff.
48. Seriously, we hate when you play your Xbox more then you talk to us. If you love that thing so much, date it not us.
49. When a girl asks you to call her, it's because she wants to fall asleep to your voice
50. If we're dating, there always has to be tension. Sometime we're just gonna pick a fight with you because everything can't always be perfect, so don't take it to heart.
51.Guys, w know your competitive, but let us win every once in a while, otherwise we're gonna think you're cocky and that right there is a major turn off.
52. Girls like playing little cute games like 20 questions or what if.
53.We really don't care as much about what a guy looks like as much as you guys care about how a girl looks. Personality is number 1.
54. All a girl usually looks for in a guy ( physically) is a nice smile and honest eyes.
55. Girls like video games too, so don't always assume were cute little mall girls.
56. Some girls like sports too, and sometimes shes gonna root for her team, sorry baby.
57. We love being told that you were thinking about us all day.
58. If a girl constantly runs her fingers through her hair, she's doing it to get your attention, some kind of sexual hint that she likes you (:
59. We don't like when your texting when you're with us, unless you're texting the guy next to you asking for tips, cos we do the same thing (:
60. Being nice and cute will always make a girl talk about you. Always.
61.Don't ever lie to us and then say oh it was a test. No, that was the end of our relationship.- BEEP-
62. Don't EVER text us saying hey baby whats up? And then saying oh sorry wrong text. Believe me, it has happened.
63. A girl will spend hours on her appearance, so always compliment her on it.
64. A girl really only wants to make you happy.
65. When a girl says, should i dye my hair or should i change my * insert body part here* the answer is ALWAYS " baby, your perfect the way you are"
66. Girl will only ask a guys advice if she really trusts him.
67. There is no such thing as a shy girl after the age of 16. After that, all girls are acting.
68. The minute a girl decides to be with you, she's already decided that anytime you need it, she'll sacrifice anything necessary to get to you. Anything, anytime, anywhere.
69. Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don’t care so call even if you can only talk for a minute. Girls don’t necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
70. If your listening to music, let her listen too.
71. If you DIDN'T sleep with us, DON'T tell your friends you did
72. If you DID sleep with us, DON'T tell your friends you did.
73. She loves when you play with her hands
74. Kissing her on the stomach will always make her smile
75. Whisper "I love you" in her ear and she will be turned on. BUT DON'T SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!!!
76. When we come home from a date with you, its always adorable when you text us three seconds after we get home saying " I miss you"
77. Okay, you knew it was coming. Memorize our birthdays and call us at 12:00 . it makes a world of difference.
78. DON'T EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER HIT, PUSH, SHOVE,SLAP, OR HURT A GIRL IN ANY WAY.
79. Don't be late, it hurts us a lot.
80. When you say your gonna do something, do it dammit.
81. We think about you all the time.
82. If your sitting next to us in class and we're working on something, its cute to get a note saying " hi baby (:" and it will make us smile.
83.Girls don't always want to hang out with girls. Just because we have guy friends does not mean that we want to be with them. We probably already had the chance and didn't take it.
84. Don't expect us to make the same mistakes your ex did. If we do, it is not because there is some huge conspiracy against you. Maybe you're making a mistake, not us. Don't compare our mistakes to hers
85. We know you don't care about what happened in our day, but listen. It hurts us a lot when you don't pay attention.
86.We don't like to be nagged about where we are going or what we are doing either, but we usually hear you out.
87. We're emotional and act in mysterious ways, but you are pushing a huge button when you call us crazy.
88. Girls will stare at their phone until we get a call or text from you.
89. When we're with you, we will always try to sit/ stand next to you, just hoping for the chance to touch you in even the smallest possible way.
90. Not all girls that are dancers/cheerleaders are whores, so don't assume just cos that's our sport that we're going to live up to the stereotype. That goes for any co-curricular activity.
91. Girls are suckers for little animals, so if you have a dog, she will most likely go (: aww. Cos it proves to us you actually have a sensitive side. Don't ask me how, it just does.
92. We're not trying to betray you when we ask your guy friends advice on our relationship with you. They know you best, and we're probably only saying good things about you anyway.
93.When we go out, we don't always want to go see a movie. Change it up lets do something exciting (:
94. Poetry is always a plus(:
95. Girls always jump to conclusions, so don't act innocent unless you really are. And if your not you better have a good conclusion or were gonna assume the worst.
96. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
97. Most girls are ticklish its cute when guys tickle us.
98. No girl just wants to be your "friend with benefits".
99. Its sexy when you grab our butts when you make out with us (:
100. If you were thinking about someone while reading this, go tell them. NOW. stupid ! (:

2010-04-20T23:15:00.001+08:00

Kiss me, Lick me
Hold me, Touch me
Love me, Hate me
Just don't hurt me
♥

2009-09-27T00:03:00.002+08:00

Un-break My Heart by Toni Braxton,to all those of you who've had your hearts broken again and again,by the same person.Enjoy.

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The night are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss that pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry that tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my

Un-break my heart
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on....

*I will always love you*

Letters to No-One.

2009-09-15T21:23:00.003+08:00

Here I am.Typing out my letters to a few people.They will all be called No-One.But all different people.

Letter ONE:
It's been a damn long time since I spoke to you,or even seen you eh?How've you been?Well,I don't think you'll ever see this letter since I highly doubt I can muster up the courage to give it to you.
11th September 2009.I dreamt of you.Not a happy dream.Well,I never dream of happy dreams.It was a dream where you smiled sadly at me and waved,after which you faded away.I was forced to a graveyard where a column of people stood huddled over an open grave,weeping.I didn't need to see who lay in it,as I already knew.It was you.I woke up crying and weeping from my sleep.
Do you know how much it hurts to know that something bad would happen to you,yet not knowing when,where,how,and even worse,knowing that there was nothing I could do to save you.Hell,I would gladly take a bullet for you if it meant your happiness.After all,none would weep and none would mourn if i died.
I'm sure you've already guessed this but i do love you.After the pain of some people in my past,you were the one who drew me out of my shell truly and taught me the meaning of life,to live and let live.You are the one I dream about every night,the one who wrenches me crying from my sleep.
I'm not asking you to love me back,cos to me,even if you dont love me,I'll stand by you,supporting you and watching you be happy.All I want is for you to be happy,always.Yet theres this awful burning in my chest when I think of the happy memories and what will not be.I love you.

Everyday I wake up
Sweating,trembling,sobbing
In the cold sweat filled blankets
I grab around blindly in the darkness
For the heart I sent over to you
The very one you sent back
Apologetically

LETTER TWO:
Hey I know I really pissed you off today by prank smsing your friend,but he was the one who planted the idea in me.Besides,its not like I did any harm did I?I'm not saying what I did was right nor am I saying that what I did was not right.It was all just fun and more fun,honest.Well,whether you decide to forgive me,only you will truly know.
Whether or not you forgive me,thanks for being with me,being there for me.Thanks for putting up with my crap,nonsense and stupidity for such a long time.I thank you.

Numbers.

2009-09-08T21:25:00.003+08:00

Number one.
I found out something new today.
SHE is with HE.
Wonderfullness.
And I only found out just today.
Give me a pat on the back for finding out.

Number two.
My computer is finally FIXED.
That means more blogging,playing and crying to the world.

Number three.
I wish someone would just TAKE A FUCKING GUN AND SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD.
I'm feeling GODAWEFULTERRIBLE right now.
And it hurts so bad.

Number four.
I wish I was like kyliechan.
Pretty,happy,fun.
Not like ME.
LIONMAN RAWR.
He better treat her good.
Or I'll come and steal her away.

I wish I could disappear.
Goodbye awful world.

2009-02-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

i need help.
anyone free on febuary 13?
its gonna be a year soon.
a year since that day.
i dont know if i can control myself to that extend.
i dont know if i'll get out of that day alive and whole.
i dont know what can happen on that day.
and im not making any promises.

does anyone know how to train dogs?
my dad thinks Whisky's crazy.
he barks at anyone who gets too close to me.
possessive little fool.
im supposed to train him not to sleep on my bed.
and not to bark at everyone.
or out he goes.
"we're not having a crazy dog in this house" he says.
i really dont know what to do anymore.

2008-12-13T20:21:00.002+08:00

I'm finally back in Singapore.
Well.
The Italy trip was...
Eventful.
But also quite boring.
Waywaywayway too much shopping.
Urgh.
At branded stores like Prada,Gucci ect.
Urgh.
Bloody boring.
It left me more or less sitting outside in the cold waiting for them idiots shopping.
Took quite alot of photos.
And i miss Singapore food.
Surprisingly.
All we had there was Ree Soto,Pasta or really really BAD pizza.
Urgh.
Aaron,Nicky and Marc still in Italy though.
Lucky bastards.
We're gonna go out again when they come back.
I hope.
Louis may still be sick.
Hope he gets well soon.
Ciao.

2008-11-24T22:16:00.001+08:00

All Guys Are Male Chauvinist Pigs!!
That's the declaration i have to this world.
Fine.
Didn't play very well today.
Noone really passed to me much.
And my whole mood was thrown off this afternoon.
He knows something i don't.
And hes not gonna tell me.
Fine.
But when i play.
Its like WHAM.
And there goes the shot.
Out goes the ball.
Right into the opponents hands.
And my team sighs.
I'm sorry im the only non-professional girl in the game.
I'm sorry im slow and cant shoot as well as you guys.
But it's not really gonna change the fact that you guys.
Are MALE.CHAUVINIST.PIGS.
Period.
And im sticking to that.
One wrong move.
Thats all it takes from ME to lose the trust from you guys.
2intercepted shots.
Yeah there im sorry.
But i DID succeed in the end.
And it hurts that noone treats girls seriously.
Not now.
Not ever.
Sexist bastards.

2008-11-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

how many times must i tell you im sorry before you forgive me
i really dont know why i bother about you so
everything is my fault,is it not?
my fault my parents are paranoid and cant trust you.
my fault i cant run fast enough or long enough for you.
my fault for asking you for all these.
do what you see fit.
if you truly want to end all these
if it would make you happy
then i say
sure
be my guest.
i just dont want to see you regret your decision.

2008-10-21T21:41:00.002+08:00

Fuck.
Today is OFFICIALLY the worst day of my life.
My whole holiday is RUINED.
We were supposed to go for some history lecture after recess
But the 7 of us(me,tiziana,chermaine,jermima,nat saw,joanna,vanessa khoo)
Went back to class during recess
And stayed there
So we didnt follow the rest
Thus we were'nt at the "lecture"
Then after 100mins or so
2 prefects burst in telling us we're in fucking big trouble
And one of them sees my phone
And sees its on
Then we go to see the teachers
Get a fucking scolding
And have to go for DETENTION TOMORROW.
My chances of going for the japan trip is now lowered
I'm SOOOO happy.
How the FUCK am i supposed to survive a holiday without my PHONE
Why cant i just start the 3 month confiscation when school REOPENS
Its not even OUR fault we didnt know
I HATE prefects
And TEACHERS
So since i dont have a phone
Anyone who wants to contact me
Either drop me an email
Or tag my blog
Or drop me a message on MSN
Worst thing is
My parents REFUSE to help me get my SIM card back
What sort of parents are they

2008-09-28T00:21:00.002+08:00

today was quite the busy and hectic one.
formula one racing started yesterday.
dad brought me down to the tracks with Hafiz's and Hafiz's gf,Petrina.
borrowed their passes to.
it was AWESOME.
even though it was damn hot,and i was sweating like crazy.
he was sweating more than me.
the suit is REAL thick.
and the car doesnt have air con.
live sauna.
petrina's a nice lady.
who accompanied me.
a kid.
we went to the track pits.
where we saw the other cars.
they were DAMN cool.
the practice runs were yesterday.
he took part in the Aston Martin support race.
and Hafiz was a bit annoyed and agitated cos they couldnt tell him what went wrong with his breaks.
poor him.

the real one was today.
he qualified,apparently.
i wanted to go.
didnt have enough passes.
so dad went with uncle david.
his car isnt that fast though=/
oh well.
i still support him^^
then theres Hamilton.
hes one year YOUNGER than Hafiz,will you believe it.
23 this year.
whoot.
crazy shit.
pro pro pro guy.
he was SO close to getting kicked out though.
anyways.
hope they both do well together in the races tomorrow.

2008-09-17T20:46:00.001+08:00

its been quite a while since i last blogged.
exams around the corner.
starting on the 23 with history and chinese.
urgh.
worst 2 subjects.
really cant stand it liao.
im gonna go CRAZY soon with all the mugging.
getting more and more unproductive by the day.
xian i tell you.
i just want to fucking kill myself soon.
and then theres Andrew.
who i still cant forget.
and it hurts when i think about him.
http://www.fictionpress.com/~ultimateshodan
Broken Promises.
rate.
review.
comment.
thats him.
tribute to him.
ciaos.

2008-08-29T22:11:00.002+08:00

teachers day was today.
gave the presents.
overall.
it SUCKED.
the performance was quite good though.
but i just screwed up the whole cheer.
haiz.
cant be helped.
went home library study for a while.
saw elliot there.
then when to play bball.
Ravi was there.
so was Bohjun(sp?)
hes fucking accurate.
then Michael,Daniel,Darwin and some dude came.
stupid dude.
push Michael.
argument and fight commenced.
about how not to push.
and the dude cursing Michael.
and Michael asking him to watch his mouth and learn respect.
the dudes only 15 for fucking sake.
he SHOULD learn.
all im gonna say to Michael is:
你别管他那么多
他认为自己是最好的，最厉害的。
你何必为了这种人浪费力气呢？
打赢他，他就不能多说什么了。
保重

Michael ended up with a twisted ankle.
hope he gets better.
soon.
like in the 1week holiday.
its gonna be BORING without him.
ciaos.

2008-08-25T22:07:00.001+08:00

went for the RG against SC match today.
needless to say.
we lost.
as usual.
haiz.
and all i can say now,
to someone,
is RECOVER SOON.
urgh.
people make me so pissed off.
played with the guys today.
Michael passed me the ball.
to shoot.
then it was so bloody near.
and it couldnt go in.
im SO gonna need to practice more.
ciaos.

2008-08-22T17:19:00.001+08:00

today mr teo talked to me about joining back the team.
i dont really know what i should do.
firstly.
i'v told luke before i wouldnt.
secondly.
athena is SURE to be upset.
thirdly.
i dont think i can da han their trainings.
well.
im not sure what im gonna do.
on top of that athena gave me a letter today.
overall.
its about STICKING TO MY DECISIONS.
yep.
she doesnt want me to join.
oh did i ever say i hate the rain?
i hate the rain.
cos of the rain theres a high chance i cant bball today.
damn annoying.
i wanna play bball.
urgh.
and nxt friday cant bball.
cos dad booked hotel for family.
and im inclined to follow the family.
damn annoying.
ciaos.

2008-08-20T18:28:00.000+08:00

today had training with Luke.
Tiziana came along.
then Wei Yuan came.
and me and her were laughing the whole time.
well.
did under basket drills.
dribbling.
ball handling.
1on1.
and then we played Ravi and Darwin 2on2.
we won 7-2.
fun enough.
though my back was KILLING me the whole bloody time.

2008-08-18T20:59:00.002+08:00

got my coach back.
at least.
well.
today just totally SUCKED.
seriously.
rain rain rain.
and nothing but more rain.
tomorrow got science test.
cant be bothered to study.
boring.
wrote a story.
should be on FictionPress soon.
really soon.
as soon as the 2 day thing is over.
urgh.
im cold.
gonna shower.
ciao.

2008-08-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

hes right next to me.
yet he doesnt know.
that i hurt every time.
besides.
hes right.
doesnt matter.
all that matters is.
the team.

2008-08-14T22:43:00.002+08:00

yea.
he knows how fucking much i hate it.
the feeling of being useless.
of not being able to do anything.
to just sit there.
when my friends are suffering inside.
he knows it.
but he doesnt have to change.
its him.
after all.
its not like im an oh-so-important person to him.
fuck.
i can barely say im close to him.
i hate it when fuckers just want to act strong on the outside.
cant they see that they're just hurting the people around them.
cant they fucking see that there are people who actually want to help them.
cant they,for gods sake see that there are people who dont want to see them sad.
its just screwed up.
everything.
everyone.
most of all.
me.
and thats all to it.
i dont know if im still fit to be called a friend to you.
but yeah.
its your business.
how you want to run it.
im not going to care anymore.
im not going to ask you.
why this,what that.
nil.
i'll give you your space.
you give me mine.
your freedom.
my freedom.
and its done.

2008-08-13T22:09:00.001+08:00

really really really sick today.
played Hopdance for a while.
met Luke's friend,pearl.
shes...nice.
seems really close to Luke.
doesnt matter..
does it....

2008-08-12T15:00:00.002+08:00

today school was on fucking PISS ME OFF mode.
people in 2PE.
cant you realize that since you're already late from lecture to pe,
that you can go STRAIGHT to pe.
but NOOOOOOO.
must slowly SAUNTER back to class.
put your fucking things.
then go.
and since Andrea had the sense to go down straight,
you guys were waiting outside class like idiots.
alanna had to go call you guys.
waste her time.
waste my time.
waste mr ang's time.
and you guys made him fucking pissed.
pissed enough that he REFUSED to teach.
and the only thing i was looking forward to today was PE.
and you go ruin it.
and tiziana still has the guts to ask.
"why so angry for what"
other people can take the trouble to come down ON TIME.
and yet you guys go ruin everything by comming down LATE.
spoil everyone's day.
the running part after that i didnt really care.
then when apologizing.
STILL sound so damned happy.
dunno how to have REMORSE issit?!
mr ang scolding some people still talking to each other.
dunno how to shut the hell up.
i really hate this class.

cant study.
Luke kana bike crash.
leg injured.
cant walk or bike over.
doesnt matter.
let him rest at home.
instead of dragging him ALL the way over here.
i wanna go see the kids performance.
see his full potential.
its something to be proud of after all.
no matter how the performance turns out to be.
you just know you tried your best.
i'll try to go watch the kid's performance.
not gonna let my parents know.
otherwise sure cant go.
dont feel like training tomorrow night though.
wrist still hurts.
think i can pull off another week with an injured wrist...?

2008-08-09T18:32:00.002+08:00

Went out with YunFei,Arthur,Gabriel and his friend today.
I WAS THE ONLY GIRL THANKS TO NAZIRA.
Watched THE MUMMY,TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR.
Bloody nice.
Anti-climax ending though.
Too happy.
Way too happy.
And Eve looks like shit.
Wanted to play bball with the rest.
They didnt wanna.
Arthur didnt wanna.
And since Arthur didnt wanna,Gabriel didnt wanna.
Cos he said it would be boring going home.
PISS ME OFF.
Wanted to find a playground to emo.
RAINING.
And there were LEETLE kids there.
Bloody monkeys.
So just had to make do with void deck.
What sort of shit National Day is this man.
URGH.
Tomorrow better not rain.
I HAVE TO PLAY BBALL TO GET EVERYTHING OUTTA MY SYSTEM.
Out.

2008-07-18T19:17:00.002+08:00

Today.
Tiziana ponned school.
Fuck her.
Never told me anything about it.
Made everyone worry.
Ruined my whole day's mood.
Well.
Hope your okay now.

2008-07-12T13:02:00.000+08:00

I'll be spreading my posts among my two blogs.
So you guys can go take a look.
Want comments on the background,layout and such.
Thanks.

2008-06-30T14:55:00.002+08:00

last night.
i got pissed with my parents.
especially my dad.
they wouldnt write a bloody letter for me.
like how hard can that be?
the most it takes is what?
5 minutes?
no.
they wouldnt.
so i got damn pissed.
i just snapped.
they crossed the line this time.
i was going to run away,today.
shao knows.
only shao knew.
he tried to persuade me.
and he started nagging me.
and scolding me.
well.
i decided not to go.
not because i couldnt go anywhere.
i could.
i could have gone to ya zi's place.
so easy.
but nah.
he talked me out of it.
and i owed him.
he was my shining star.
my savior in the worst of the darkness.
he was the one i know i can depend on.
even though i've known him for barely 2 weeks.
he is the one who i know i can continue to depend on.
whenever i feel like just breaking down and giving everything up.
he is the one who will be by my side.
to pick me up.
and set me to my feet.
he is the only one i would allow in my life.
no one else.
he has proven his worth.
and i dont want to see him cry anymore.

2008-06-27T23:42:00.002+08:00

went to watch YOU DONT MESS WITH THE ZOHAN with tiziana today.
damn funny xia.
first time supposed to be 5 oclock show.
kailin and her GOR pangsei us.
so no choice lor.
have to wait for the 7.30 one.
otherwise sure cannot get in one.
NC16 leh!
damn funny.
must watch again.
i hate T's ASSHOLE.
stupid shit.
stop toying with her.
she loves you.
and you know it.
im sick and tired of crap like you who think your the best.
that girls will just fall head over heels for you.
i HATE people like you the most.
fuck off.
dont you understand it when she ignores your calls and messages?
it means to get lost.
it means to leave her alone.
follow it.
or im gonna swear.
swear that if i EVER see you again.
im gonna make sure that cute face of yours isnt so pretty anymore.
count on it.
stay far away from her.
stop causing her pain.
stop scarring her inside.
stop your shit,just for your own sake.
OFF.

2008-06-26T16:08:00.002+08:00

THANKS tiziana tan.
see lah.
cos of you im addicted to this song.
CHECK YES JULIET by WE THE KINGS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1R_txIuuio&feature=related
damn nice song lah.

the lyrics are as follows.

Check yes Juliet
Are you with me?
Rain is falling down on the sidewalk
I won't go until you come outside
Check yes Juliet
Kill the limbo
I'll keep tossing rocks at your window
There's no turning back for us tonight

Lace up your shoes
A O A O ah
Here's how we do

Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be
You and me

Check yes Juliet
I'll be waiting
Wishing, wanting
Yours for the taking
Just sneak out
And don't tell a soul goodbye
Check yes Juliet
Here's the countdown
3... 2... 1... now fall in my arms now
They can change the locks
Don't let them change your mind

Lace up your shoes
A O A O ah
Here's how we do

Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be
You and me

We're flying through the night
We're flying through the night
Way up high,
The view from here is getting better with
You by myside

Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be...

Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be
You and me
You and me
You and me

pretty song.
oh people who are into girlish accessories
go to tiziana tan's blog.
she has a blogshop.
buy stuff.
DUH.

2008-06-25T15:29:00.002+08:00

third day of school today.
stupid,as usual.
had a New South Wales test(or something like that)
english.
so it wasnt that bad.
well.
last night was the worst night of my life.
Nic has a girlfriend.
its been 2 months.
just a month after we broke it off.
looks like he doesnt have any trouble forgetting the past.
i feel like dying.
like hanging myself.
or banging into the wall over and over again.
or just cut myself in the bath.
thats so so so much better.
for me at least.
maybe i shall.
soon.
one of these days.
i just wouldnt wake up.
that sounds good.
off.
and sleep.
and not wake up.
no more pain.

2008-06-23T19:26:00.002+08:00

Bloody hell lah.
Make me so PISSED.
Lets see.
Today first day of school.
Slack.
And damn boring.
Came home from school unscathed.
Unusual.
Lol.
Played basketball.
Met elliot.
He was comming back from TENNIS training.
Pity him.
Gonna have to train 4 times a week.
Pity him.
Now he looks westernized though.
Really cool.
Did i mention hes taller than me?
Hes taller than me.
Damn.
And hes just secone.
Piss me off.
And we saw Alexander.
Who was playing basketball.
Well.
At least IM taller than HIM.
Hes 23.
Now Im happy.
Tomorrow have LANGARTS test.
Crap.
Never study.
As usual.
Gonna CHIONG the stupid thing.
Act I and Act II.
TWELVED NIGHT.
Stupid play.
And Im gonna need a super-memory to pass tomorrow's test.
Seriously.
Need to memorise lots of quotes.
Damn.
DAMN.
Off.

2008-06-21T23:54:00.002+08:00

Finally.
Time to post.
Today was the BBQ.
IT WAS SCREWED.
Really.
Dyon and I met at J8.
It was 4.50?
No time.
And then we went in to buy the food.
Randomly walking around talking whatever we needed.
Very stupid idea.
Ended up wasting ALOT of time.
And the stupid trolley rolled over my toe.
Which happened to be the toe with the ingrown toenail.
Ouch.
Lots of blood.
He started freaking.

The others came REALLY late.
The BBQ was supposed to start at 6.
Oh well.
It ended up to only 5 ppl.
Me.
Dyon.
Ryan Seah.
Ken Oung.
And the lil Qistina.
DAMN.
Ezra couldnt come cos he had to study.
And Ben's grandma fell.
And Yazi came back from work REALLY late.
DAMN.
Desmond wasnt home.
Neither was Vanessa.
So we decided to just use the pits.
Not our fault the Management Office closed so early.
DAMN.

We didnt even have any matches or lighters.
Panic.
REALLY panicked.
And thus Dyon and Ryan went to look for some.
They went to RI,which was RIGHT opposite.
SMART.
VERY SMART.
They couldnt find any.
So we made them go J8 to buy.
They couldnt get a cab.
So they ran.
AWESOME.
They got the lighter.
But by the time they got back it was around 8.25.
I had to leave at 9.
And we started BBQ-ing.
With a FIRE.
Not the EMBERS.
NO.
They used a fire.
No wonder the chicken wings and beef weren't cooked properly.
TskTsk.

My cousin picked me at 9.05.
We went to watch THE HAPPENING with my family.
Stupid show.
No plot what so ever.
Just lots of people dying in front of your eyes.
Not so nice to watch.
I had the hotdog for dinner.
Wasnt my fault.
I only had a sausage and a really tough beef.
Sad.
Dont think i can fall asleep tonight.
Too freaked out by the dead people.
Crazy.
Really.

Moral of the story:
Dont BBQ with a fire.
Dont host a BBQ in June.
Make sure you have a lighter when you BBQ.
Dont watch THE HAPPENING.
And for myself:
Dont watch scary movies that involve people dying.

2008-06-19T23:54:00.002+08:00

bloody hell..
3 days left till school reopen..
and i have done practically no work at all..
great.
just great.
me and Yi An gonna be meeting tomorrow in school for geog.
the others cant make it.
bloody shits.
the BBQ's screwed too.
most REACT people cant come since they have block tests to mug for.
damn.
any of you guys want to come,feel free to message me.
by FRIDAY.
hp number:91990660.
ciaos.

2008-06-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

im feeling very emo..
i just want to curl up in a corner..
and die..
i miss them..
so much..
fabian..
ezra..
katie..
daniel..
we havnt spoken for a very long time..
everyones so busy..
noone has time for me..
have they forgotten that i even existed..?
you can only have friends for a certain period of time,it seems..
everything else just rots away...
best to distance myself from them all then...
it hurts to have them torn away from me..
one by one..
and im alone..
again..

2008-06-14T00:31:00.002+08:00

Hey guys.
I'm back from Australia.
Sydney and Go Coast.
Sydney was really boring.
Shopping most of the days.
Go coast was alright.
Lots of theme parks.
Nothing compared to Disneyland though.
Bought back lots of stuff.
Souvenirs and such.
Hoodies.
Shirts here and there.
Overall an okay,rather draining trip.
I'm happy to be back.
With the phone,the computer and everyone else(:

2008-05-31T16:38:00.003+08:00

leaving for the airport in about 22 mins.
damn i dont wanna leave.
looks like its about to rain.
will be at australia for 2 weeks.
until the 13th of june.
anyone want anything either sms or email me.
i'll try and get it.
if i can.
so far have 3 packets of nougat to buy and 20+shirts.
dang.
my luggage is already bout to burst.
anyway.
leaving soon.
i gotta tidy up my room.
i'll try and update my blog everyday there.
if i can.
chureos.

2008-05-29T21:28:00.003+08:00

today was a better day.
went to Sentosa with Heart Of God church.
i was in team 2:D
PASSION WASSUP.
haha its a weird name.
met cool people.
the team leader--gabrielle
the assistant team leader--rou en
the girls--jan and bernie
the guys--chen fei(ah girl),jia xian(flagbearer),eric(lost sheep) and others who i have trouble remembering their names.
i played rugby.
not touch rugby.
just rugby.
damn it was fun.
played on the sand.
everyone got dirty again.
obviously.
but it was fun.
tackling.
sprinting like mad.
the guys are PRO.
damn cool to watch xia.
haha.
but now my feet are killing me.
and i just want to collapse on the floor.
dang.
so annoying.
think i shall go find some bengay.

2008-05-27T17:42:00.002+08:00

well.
i didnt blog yesterday.
was sleeping in hotel.
with my lover.
NOT.
with my family.
was so freaking boring and waste of time.
only good thing?
bubblebath:D
damn shiok.
leaving for learning lab soon.
maybe i'll blog again when i come back.

tomorrow:
we've gotta entertain snotty GEP kids.
retards.
then have dental.
and then aikido training.
shall i pon again?
nah.
parents will KILL me if i do.
anyone wants to join in?
feel free to join me.
its gonna be boring.
tomorrows a bad day for me.

2008-05-25T23:32:00.003+08:00

Chermaine once asked me,
"What is love?"
I laughed at her.
How in the world could someone ask that question with such a straight face?
She was either very innocent or a rather good actress.
I didn't answer her.
Who knew the meaning of love?
Love is many definitions,
Ask a total stranger on the street.
Probably get stared at as if you were crazy.
Love.
Unselfishly wanting the best for someone,even if they wouldn't be with you?
Love.
The desire to be with someone forever,24/7?
Love.
Hoping that the opposite party is safe all the time?
Love.
The gentle caresses,small touches and glances?
Love.
The little things they do for you that mean so much?
Love.
The thing that causes hurt when they say no?
Love.
The feeling which makes you want to die if you couldn't be with that person?

I don't really know.
So for the time now,
Love.
A rather confusing,troublesome,sad-yet-happy emotion.
Love.
The reason I can't sleep at night.
Love.
The one whose name I cry in my sleep.
Love.
The thing that makes me hurt so bad.
Love.
Hate.
Death.

Love.

2008-05-24T23:02:00.003+08:00

reminiscencing back to the old days
thinking back to the love
between my two friends
daniel
sabrina
and how everything came crashing down afterward
why couldnt they stay in love
why couldnt they be true to one another
why couldnt they just wait
everything they waited so patiently for before
extinguished in that one little instance

i pity them
two to-be lovers
torn apart
by the unyielding hands of time
into other lovers arms
they could have been happy
together
not anymore

holidays.finally.

2008-05-23T20:25:00.002+08:00

Holidays are here.
Finally.
Wouldnt have to step into that asshole school for a damn long time.
Going Australia in the hols.
Anyone want anything?
A hell lot of school hwk.
Which i only have 2 wks to do.
Since i'll be overseas for 2 weeks..
Annoying.
Off.

22nd May 2008.

2008-05-22T20:36:00.002+08:00

Today was rather annoying.
Received the award for getting 1st in interclass chess.
Mr Razak congratulated me.
But he JUST had to say "You're quite nerdy wad.No wonder you want to join art club lah, to smoothen out the edges."
I turned around and walked away.
I shall dao him for the rest of the year(if i can)
Spoil my whole day.
Mean asshole.
Signing off now.
Nothing better to do.
Damn i want a hoodie.
Like Marcus's hoodie.
Going to Queensland + Sydney soon.
Anyone want anything?

2008-05-20T23:10:00.002+08:00

hell.
that post below the font sizes and everything was screwed up.
dont mind.
just read and comment thanks:D

2008-05-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

Curled up against the darkest corner of the room, wrapped up in curtains, a small girl, barely seven, huddled, tears streamed down her cheeks as she examined the fresh burn marks on her arms, thighs and chest. Pulling the curtain around herself, she glared at the angry red welts on her skin, evidence of her mother’s daily abuse.

She cowered there and whimpered occasionally, as she ran her hands over the fading, yet not really healing bruises and cuts which adorned her arms and thighs. She, the unwanted daughter of a prostitute. She, the illegitimate child of a man and his sister. She, whose mother had fled with her, upon realizing what she did. She, who suffered daily abuse from her mother and her clients. She, who sat there, cold, alone and unloved.

She shivered, tying the curtain tighter around her fragile young body, looking around at the dark and gloomy lightings of the room. Mother probably spent all her money on booze again, instead of paying the bills. Her mother was an alcoholic, one who loved drinking more than she loved her own daughter. Hell, the little girl knew for a fact that her mother would sell her for booze without hesitation the moment their money ran dry, and running dry it was, soon. Her mother’s spending habits were as bad as any woman’s, yet they were poorer than most.

She wasn’t allowed to leave the house, ever. If Mother found out, terrible things would happen. She was kept indoors, isolated from the other children, lonely. Mother would beat her. Everyday even. And she would bleed. Mother and her men liked seeing her bleed, it seemed. It sent them over the edge with sadistic glee. She even got cut by a glass bottle once, when it was smashed right into her forehead. It bled a lot, she remembered.

Mother hates me, she thinks I’m useless, and I bring her trouble and disgrace. She will never love me. If only she had never been born. If only I was dead. Her mind set, the little girl took a parcel bound in newspaper, and unwrapped its contents. A machete. The perfect tool for the job. She had sharpened the blade over the months, waiting. Lifelessly walking to the door, she looked back, once, at the pathetic place she was about to leave, and stepped out, knowing she would never set foot in this place again. The door was left wide open, banging, swinging in the wind.

Shrilly, sirens rang, ear piercing. Sighing, I stepped into the hallway. This place was worse on the inside than on the outside, I decided. Dingy, extremely dingy. The walls had some crusty red stains on them, and I stayed far away from them, walking in the utmost middle of the corridor. Not to mention the hard banging of the walls and the creaking of the beds which could be heard through the thin walls. I didn’t really want to know what was happening behind those walls.

I reached room 605. Damn it was swarming with investigators, even though they were on special orders not to go in before I arrived. Immediately, I ordered them out, and obviously, they left, since everyone knew of my reputation as The Thunder.

I looked around me, attention immediately drawn to the bed. There, a young girl lay sprawled on the blanket, a girl not much older than the age of 7. Dressed in tattered rags, she lay there, cold. Like a figure carved in marble, never to awake again. Multiple slash marks adorned her body, caressing her young figure like a lovers’ embrace, with the exception of her face, which remained untouched. Walking over to the bed to get a better look, I stared down at the innocent face looking up at me, with long lashes and ivory pale skill. She was a beauty, one I would have been really proud of to call my daughter. But what’s gone is gone, after all.

Locking away my sentimental heart, I started doing what I was here to do, investigate and gather clues. Looking down closer at the young girl’s mutilated body, I noticed that there were multiple scars from past injuries spread all over her body. Identifying some as cigar burns, I realized that this child may have been a poor victim of child abuse, ran away and was unfortunately murdered. It was like a knife piercing my heart as I thought of the pain she must have felt, as she ran away from the home she loved so much, into the jaws of death. I had once been like that. A victim of abuse. Discriminated against by my own friends. With nowhere to run to, I had swallowed myself up in misery. I was found, salvaged by a group of people, people who call themselves “ Family”. I never understood that word before. Taken in by the group, I grew close to them, forging bonds and memories, finding strength in myself I never knew. This girl wasn’t as lucky as me. She had no one to turn to, nowhere to hide. Precisely why I must find the bastard who banished this poor soul to eternal darkness.

I slipped on my gloves, and gently pushed the blanket aside, careful not to contaminate the evidence. I noticed there wasn’t much sign of struggle, no blood on her fingernails or hair other than hers caught anywhere. Why? Perhaps the murderer cleaned up all traces of a fight, or maybe she didn’t have strength to fight back, and thus gave up. But a dark thought at the back of my mind disturbed me. What if she had killed herself? There wouldn’t be any evidence, would there?

Perplexed, I turned back to the corpse, studying the whole picture. The victim’s face shone with an air of serenity, despite her blank stare. Heaving a sigh, I bent down, closing her eyelids. That was the most I could do for her at this present time, to give her eternal release from this world. At this present moment, I noticed a silver pendant on a plain chain hanging from her neck, almost completely hidden by her rags. With interest, I fingered the pendant, tracing the intricate carving, trying to get an idea of how she had come to possess this exquisite item. Just as I held the pendant in my hand, flashes played themselves in my mind. I saw a glove-clad hand, holding the pendant, quietly slipping it over the neck of the young girl, already lying dead on the bed. And there the picture stopped. Thinking hard, I tried to focus, to do anything I could to get more information about the owner of the hand but it appeared that the more I thought, the more a mysterious headache seemed to surface.

Frustrated and rather annoyed, I gave up on my quest to recall the memory, instead turning back to the room I was currently located in. Massaging my forehead, I surveyed the room, noticing the not-too-clean stains that inhabited the ceiling. Not a very nice way to die, staring at this rather gross ceiling. I walked over to the shabby looking dresser, glanced at the mirror, and noticed a speck of blood near one of the corners. Perhaps the murder/suicide took place here? Then why did the murderer take the trouble to drag her onto the bed, I asked myself. Who knows, but the answers will surface once I’m done here, I decided.

Walking away from the disturbing scene, I pulled my medications out of my pocket, popping a few into my mouth, downing them with a gulp of water. I’ve been taking these for as long as I could remember. Stepping into my car, I yawned. I had rushed here pretty early in the morning, and I had a rather strenuous night. I lowered the seat incline, laid back and looked out. Opposite the road, the Big Ben chimed. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. 7am. And my eyelids were getting heavy, heavy, heavier. And darkness.

“Officer Xavier, please report to 38 Redwood Lane. Repeat. Officer Xavier, please report to 38 Redwood Lane now.” Waking up to the cackling of the walkie-talkie wasn’t exactly very nice. Groaning, I stretched my rather sore and stiff back, grimacing when I heard the familiar crack. Huffing, I quickly got out of my car, glancing at the clock once again, knowing I wouldn’t be called if it wasn’t important. 7.45am. 38 Redwood Lane. It was only 3 minutes walk away.

There. Right outside the brown brick building. A group of other officers huddled there, swarmed by various media reporters. Typical. A bunch of flies drawn to rotten meat. Utterly disgusting. Widening my stride, I headed in their direction, and a path widened for me. They knew my reputation, my rank and my power. Clever. A lone officer broke away from the crowd, matching my pace as he joined me to fill me in.

“Victim is Lyra Jane Sanders, age 17, heir and daughter to Edward Conner Sanders, CEO of Sanders Ltd. Edward Sanders had a long history of sexual abuse cases, mostly filed by the victim. Victim was with her boyfriend, Ryan Dickinson, 19, son of William Dickinson, and they were about to elope. Victim pronounced dead at the crime scene, witness was left untouched.”

As we approached our destination, I noticed the ground was streaked with dark blood, over a rather long distance. The men standing guard around the corpse parted to let us through, revealing the interior horror. The victim had long gaping wounds all over her body. I suddenly realized her face was untouched, unscarred and perfectly clean. Exactly like the first victim. Immediately, I started paying more attention to these two maybe-connected cases. Big blue eyes framed with long lashes stared up at me, lifeless and cold. Pulling on my gloves, the real investigation started.

Gingerly, I lifted up the victim’s arms. It was covered with past scars and raw wounds. Another victim of abuse. Steeling up my heart, I was determined to carry on the investigation and unmask the murderer, for the sake of the two victims. Moving on, I noticed the fatal wound on her neck which had most definitely killed her. The cut was clean and swift, almost severing the backbone. Wincing, I fingered her neck, and my fingers caught against a chain drawn taunt against her skin, brought back behind her head. Curious, I felt around her hair, relieved when my hands closed around a round flat object. Pulling it around her neck, I was horrified yet satisfied when I saw the object. A silver pendant with an intricate design. Exactly like the past victim. Perfect.

At this moment, scenes flashed in my mind, whizzing past. A gloved hand gripped a machete, raised, and swung it down, hard, an inhuman shriek. Hacking, chopping, the silhouette of the hand was seen, blow after blow, chunks flying away. And then the necklace, the silver pendant was lowered over the head of the body, and the shadow moved away.

Shuddering, I lurched back to reality. Why? Why was I shown the bloody murder? What kind of fucked up situation is this?! Damn was I pissed off with this case. How could the murderer get away so fucking easily and how could the witness be left unharmed?! It was time to talk to the boyfriend.

“…I was knocked out by the f… Murderer so I didn’t really get to see what really happened.” As I approached the witness who was giving his account, I didn’t realize a fist was headed my way until it was deeply embedded in my gut. Swell. Winded and greatly annoyed, I stared up to the freckled face of a redheaded youth. This must be the boyfriend.

“Rather arrogant aren’t you, you fucking bastard! After killing my girlfriend you just had to strut in front of me to show off didn’t you! Let’s see you get screwed instead, how ‘bout that!” Blows were rained upon me, not that I cared, but I was too shocked to move. He said I killed his girlfriend. How could I have killed his girlfriend? I was asleep at that time!

The blows stopped. The boyfriend was restrained by some officers, while others helped me up, fussing over me. Glancing over at Ryan Dickinson, I was shocked to see how utterly vulnerable he was under his tough appearance, just waiting to crumble to dust. He had lost his dearest, and it showed in his eyes. Eyes of sorrow, despair and hate. Hate that was currently reserved for me. The so-called murderer.

“I was knocked out by that beast over there, but not before I had put up a fight and caught his appearance. He was wearing a black trench coat, exactly like the one he has on now, as well as a large black hat. And although his face was covered, I would never forget his sandy-brown hair tied at in a ponytail. The proof is in my pockets. I tore some fabric from his trench coat, down at the very corner of it, and stuffed it into my pocket before being knocked out. Check his coat, for I am telling the truth.”

Muttering quick apologies, a few officers stepped up to me to conduct a check, requesting that I pull open my coat for them to examine. Alas! There was a corner missing from my coat, something I had no idea of! Hostile eyes trained onto me, my mind in a mess as my legs moved on their own accord. How could I have killed that girl? Why didn’t I even know what I did? Did I kill the first victim too? Am I being so inhumane that I can kill without even thinking of it as killing? What the hell is happening to me?!

Ducking into the bushes that lined the road, I had only one thought in my mind. To get away. To get shelter and safety was the most logical thing right now, since I desperately needed a place where I could silently think in peace without fear of the police banging on the door. A place where the police don’t know of. A place that is desolate, abandoned. A place like the one I found by accident deep in the forest opposite my house!

Weaving along the roads, keeping far out of sight from the cars passing by, I aimed straight for Damsly Avenue, a shortcut right into the heart of the forest.

It seemed gloomier than when I last came here. Or maybe it was just that the trees have finally succeeded in blocking out the sun. An air of death hung in here, brought about by the rotting, half-eaten carcass lying in the corner. Cozy. Very cozy. Just the place I felt I living in now. Great. Plonking myself down on a log in the middle of the room, I started to think, think of how to get out of this stupid mess.

How in the world could I have killed her? I was asleep for heaven sakes! Raising my right arm in front of me, I stared at it. It was stained with blood. The blood of two innocents! It’s easier if I can just get rid of it once and for all. Picking up a stone from the debris, I brought it up, preparing to plunge it straight into my arm. My arm was shaking, thoroughly shaking as I was about to bring it down. I dropped the stone, clutching my right arm between my legs. Why? Why did my arm drop the stone? I didn’t want to drop the stone! Why is my body moving on its own accord now? What’s happening to me?!

My left arm started twitching, and my knees released my arm from its prison. Twitch. Twitch. Jerk. Falling to the floor, I couldn’t help but notice that my limbs didn’t really belong to me anymore. Here I was, trying hard to get off the filthy floor, and there they were grabbing onto anything they could find, intent on keeping me there.

Slowly, I rose to my feet, my body no longer in my control. Turn left, I told my brain. Right it went. Desperation rose inside of me, droplets of sweat running down my face. What is going to happen to me? Why doesn’t my body respond? What in the world is going on?!

My feet shuffled with a life of their own in the sandy floor, and as I looked down, I saw to my shock: THE HUNTER HAS BECOME THE HUNTED. What sort of sick joke was this, I screamed in my mind. Why? Why is this happening, to me?!

Slowly, my hand reached for the holster at my waist. All I could do was to look in fascinated horror as the gun was brought up to my face, as though I was out of my body. The safety latch was released, as I raised the gun slowly up. Tears had already begun running down my cheeks, as I knew now of the inevitable fate that was dawning upon me. I would have to die. Die for the two innocents I took. One life wasn’t enough to pay for two, it seemed to me, but I was ready to die for it. Panic rose within me, though, as I thought through what was going to happen. I was trembling so much, the gun could barely fit into my mouth, aimed at the roof of my jaw. Pain. Was it going to be pain?

And then there was darkness.

Detaching itself from the warm corpse, a snake-like creature emerged from the bullet wound. Poking its snout into the air, it waited, before slithering off into the cover on either side of the ruin.

tag.

2008-05-19T16:17:00.000+08:00

EVERYONE LEAVE A TAG AND YOUR LINK HERE. THANKS:D

2008-04-18T23:27:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow theres the SC carnival..
Even though i really hate it..and wanna sleep, still have to go..cos got DDR machine..
and cos we stayed til like 6++ to complete it.
and cos mr teo will be there..
and cos yunfei will be there too..
speaking of YunFei..
We got into a fight..
He got kinda worried
cos i wanted to do drugs and cigarettes and liqour on my 15th bday.
and die on my 25th bday.
and loved my penknives and blood..
i told him i hated him..
i told him i never wanted to see him again..
i didnt tell him that it broke my heart to pull away from him when all i wanted was to feel his warmth..
im sorry...
you'll forever be my TuDi..

-Shi Fu..

sad case

2008-01-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

Mr Teo got us Singapore Slingers tickets.
Wonder how he got it.
I miss my Gors.
Nicholas.
Shaun.
Fabian(not really my gor)
Damn sad.

I cant wait for the 18th of jan.
We're watching HUNGRY,a local play in Hwa Chong.
Its gonna be AWESOME cos Salima, Hongling, Jianyang and Daryll are performing in it.
After that,we're going to Island Creamery for ICE-CREAM!!
DUH.
And we decided to be nice and treat Chuanxin.
Can you believe the poor boy only gets $1 a day for THREE meals?
And hes JC2!!!

2007-12-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
I'll go ahead and pour myself a drink
I really couldn't care less what you think
Well I don't have to listen now
Live this day down
If I can't feel a thing
You might as well save your goodbyes
We can give this train wreck one last ride
I'm gonna have to listen now
Live this day down
If I don't make things right
I'll tell you one last time

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)

I woke up with a heartbeat in my head
I reached for the bottle by the bed
I saw your side was not slept in
Cold sheets again
Remind me of what you said
We need to take a break for a while
It's been so long since I smiled
I don't wanna listen now
Live this day down
With you so drunk and high
So I'll say goodbye

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't want to know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
Now I know I can't stay sober
Cause you left me here like this
I don't wanna know
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know

Thats the theme song of my life,now at least..never asked for this..never wanted to know..fantasy was enough for me..but now..I have just lost a friend..fuck it all..

tribute

2007-11-09T10:56:00.000+08:00

im officially EMO now.
really sad luh
Camp Re:Act 2007 is over.
it was like a few of the best day of my life
i miss everyone.

SALIMA
CHUAN XIN
TEDDY BEAR(YONG JIE)
ZHANG
THE DEVIL(MARCUS)
JOE(JIAN YANG)
PAUL
BEN
JACK(KUANG LI)
EZRA
REN YING
GLENN
KAI JUN
ALAN
HONG LI
RACHEL
ANGELIQUE
NIGEL
CHARLENE

lol dont u realise that there are lots of chinese names?
anyway guys, THANKS FOR MAKING THE CAMP SO FUN AND CRAZY
will never forget any of you
MISS YOU GUYS.
hope you can visit SOON.

pondering

2007-10-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

oh my gawd.yesterday was like,the best damn day of like,my life!
urgh.cant do it.sounds like a fucking bimbo.and jared,if ur reading this,dont tell ur friend.

well.yesterday went well,according to MY standards at least.everyday at Adam Khoo are the best days of my life.hmm..really wonder if i can be a coach.DUH I CAN!HIGH CONFIDENCE.just wondering again..how easy will the paper be..?after all,i HAVE learnt everything to the best of my ability.

reasons me wanna coach:
-learn from participants and others everyday
-help them improve accademicly
-be a friend to them
-influence people's lives for the better

aint that enough?anyway.hi jared:)

finally.

2007-10-05T20:24:00.001+08:00

well.here it goes.im finally posting again.exams just finished.cant say they were THAT difficult though.i know geog was a little bit harder.chinese too.but i can handle ANYTHING:D

anyway.today was a bball day.self-train for secones in the afternoon in school,though i left after like half an hour.then i came home,played the comp for like an hour,showered,practiced the GU ZHENG and went down to play bball some more.now my arms are in serious shit man.seriously.i cant shoot another 3pointer OR freethrow if my life depended on it.

confession:
during exam period,i played and studied the same as always.
i love basketball like SHIT.
i plan on dying before my 30th birthday if im not married.
if im married i'll kill my husband THEN die,by my 35th birthday.
i dont plan on getting married unless im with a guy for over 2 years.
i love Aikido,dont know why.
i think Kaname from Vampire Knights and Sesshomaru-sama from Inuyasha are both damn cute and hot.
i hate raven from 98.7 fm

confessions are now over.
amber is not free to take your call
so please leave a message after the tone.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i will get back to u asap.
thank you and have a nice day.

TEARS

2007-09-23T21:13:00.000+08:00

"Time will heal all wounds."
Or so the saying goes.
What happens to those significant few
Who never heals?

Some people cannot let go
As they say,
I cannot,I love him too much
But it hurts
It hurts so bad you want to rip out your heart
Just to make the pain stop
To will future pains away,
Out of your life
The pains when a loved one breaks you fragile soul
All the while sneering behind your back
While he messages you on your phone
"I'm sorry."
Its like hooks from the pits of despair
Dragging you down with them as they launch back into their lairs
Waiting ever so long for your next foolish mistake

Is it better to just shut off?
To never love again?
Or move on,
Start a new life,
One you never had but dreamed of all the time
Will that be better,
Than weeping your tears of sorrow
Wallowing in your depression
Sinking so deep under
Theres no hope of every coming out again?

All I can do for you now,
Is suggest,
For I am merely a stranger in your life
And you are no more than aquaintances
People in my past,present and future.
I wish you well.
In never loving again.

IQ TEST

2007-09-22T20:13:00.001+08:00

You're a Precision Processor!

The Classic IQ Test

Brought to you by Tickle

"An X marks the hidden treasure"

2007-09-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

Today the class got scolded by Mrs. Quek.
Well,i was bored.
And guess what i came up with in 10 minutes:D
ENJOY

"An X marks the hidden treasure"
Or so the legend goes.

Hauntingly beautiful
I am alone
The sole presence in the chilling room
Of unforgotten memories
There
I stay
Safe within the embrace of a long gone lover
Of books, poetry and art to amuse me
Feelings have long gone extinct
Perhaps they slumber in my memory
A torrent of never-ending blows
Or maybe I never knew it
I found the discovered they called hate
Upon unleashing the word they knew as love
Now
I do my best
To hate the ceaseless world around me
A bleeding wound
Nestled fresh in my breasts
Tearing into my very essence
It pains me so
I wish the gods would just spare me
Yet
They never seem to yield
Ever
I never discovered the one they called friends
Neither the word trust
As all I have in this world
Is me
My dearly beloved
And aquaintences
Yes
Of that I have plentiful
Who have all suited my purposes
Of unlimitting sacrifices

injections:S

2007-09-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

today went to the fucking skin doctor for my fucking checkup.
I'm on antibiotics thats why my skin is freaking dry.
anyway.
had to do the routine blood-test and let me tell u something.
did it FUCKING HURT!!
oh yea.
and at the same time i did the freakin hepititis A AND B injection.
combined into one,so instead of 5 injections i only take 3.
but still.
it was more FUCKING PAIN than the blood-test.
and let me tell u something.
that is ALOT to say.
anyway.
my arm feels like its just been in a boxing match.
it as the victim.
hope I'm sick enough to pon school tomorrow.

UPDATES AGAIN:D

2007-09-10T18:37:00.000+08:00

have not blogged for like a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME:D
so now,i shall do the honors of UPDATING:D

8th SEPTEMBER,2007(sat)

went for learning lab as usual in the morning.
when i went subway for lunch,who was there drinking coke and playing his PSP but MR BRYAN BAY himself:D(apparently,he has acquired two more NEW piercings,excluding the one he already has.MY EYES ARE THE WITNESS)

9th SEPTEMBER,2007(sun)

left the house at like 7.30 am!!!
WE WENT BATAM.
seriously,that is the BEST shopping place in the whole world.
its possible to find REAL brands at REALLY REALLY CHEAP prices.
i came back happy with 2 pairs of cheap KAPPA shoes and a THREESECOND tee-shirt:D

10th SEPTEMBER,2007(today)

first day school reopened again.
i was in deep crap.
didnt bring ALOT of needed things.
and my test was like CRAP.
i bet im gonna fail this math test.
and chinese was fucking boring(no offense Mr. Khong)
oh and btw, the puppet show today,that was pretty cool.

2007-08-31T23:01:00.000+08:00

Talked to Javier today,and i can say i'm very grateful i did.
Javier's the kind of guy who knows the right thing to say at the right time.
Hes the kind of guy who will naturally do his best to cheer u up when ur sad.
Hes the type of guy who has a positive attitude towards everything in life.
Hes the type of guy who never gives up on u,even if u give up on urself.
Hes the type of guy who encourages u and motivates u,just like a certain AdamK.
Hes the type of guy who loves kids,loves fun,loves laughter and loves everyone.
Hes the type of guy who you see smiling,almost all the time,a positive figure.
Hes the type of guy who most people dream on knowing but only some are lucky enough on knowing.
Hes the type of guy who will be by your side in an instant if you need help.
Hes the type of guy who would put others before himself.
Hes the type of guy who would hong me to sleep when im suffering from insomnia.
Hes the type of guy who will make me see the truth and light of my actions no matter how long it takes to argue and convince me just for my good.
Hes the type of guy who's an inspiration to others,a figure strong in body and soul.
Hes the type of guy i would turn to when my days are numbered and i just want to enjoy the rest of my life.
Hes the type of guy,who i was lucky enough to meet,and i think its not a coincidence but fate that brought us together,we're meant to do great things.
Hes the type of guy i was stupid enough to fall out with,cos of my bloody mistakes,and it costs me dearly.
Hes the type of guy i miss when i have no one to talk to,especially since we've fallen out.
Hes especially the type of guy i can change for,from a nothing,to an everything.That I'm willing to do.For him.
AND THAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL.
TO ME THAT IS.
THANK YOU.
FOR ALL THE HELP U'VE GIVEN ME.
ROCK ON.
AND CONTINUE TO STAY STRONG MANS.
In camp,
Panaols were my painkillers.
Out here,
I hand u the responsibility.
ps:hes the one on the left,not the princess on the right!!:D
http://javiershares.blogspot.com/

2007-08-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

today i had my 2.4 retest..though i didnt fail it last time or anything..just didnt take it.anyway..i didnt think i would pass..but i did:D my senior was like pushing me alot and running with me and all,even though she didnt have to..so i want to say..thank you a lot, SARAH.

nasty poems

2007-08-12T20:48:00.000+08:00

I yearn for paradise
How to find it
I do not know
Down to the four corners of the earth
Where the river always flows
I stare into space
Alone with all my fears
Thinking of you
And all I want
Is to see your face again

part 2

2007-07-31T21:35:00.000+08:00

Sunlight streamed into the room as Aki rubbed her eyes. A quick glance around her told her the bell had rung and there she was, sleeping in the classroom. Great, just great. First the horrific memory that would not stop replaying itself, to the fact she had fallen asleep on the first day of school. The day could not get any worse than this, or so she thought. She walked out of the classroom, calling out a lazy greeting to her friends passing by, and made her way to her locker. Spinning the code like an expert, she yawned to herself, thinking: who was that girl? And why does she keep appearing in my dreams? Queer. Her locker popped open, revealing a messy interior and her lucky mirror attached to the door of her locker. With a sigh, she started sorting out her locker, when her reflection caught her eye.

She was 16, going on 17, in her senior year in Akirahashi High, the only decent one in acres around. A brunette beauty, if the seniors said so. Unusual cat-like hazel eyes looked back at her from the mirror, reflecting her dream. They had found her by their doorstep at birth, or so her foster-parents said. An active child, she could not remember anything about herself before the age of five. Weird, she had always thought of it. How can I find out the truth about myself? I need to find out more. A lot more.

So absorbed in her thoughts she was, she didn’t notice him creeping up, getting closer by the minute, until it was too late.

“You’re mine now! Gotcha!” laughed Will.

Aki spun around, surprise clearly etched on her face as she glared at her Spanish boyfriend of two years. Tall, pale and handsome, he was every girl’s ideal man. Unfortunately for them, he fell in love with her in their junior year, as she did to him. She never knew why he was here in Japan enrolling in the school or why he had an uncanny knack of turning up when she was in danger, playing the gorgeous hero role perfectly many times over the past two years since they first met.

She always found herself lost in his perfectly dreamy green eyes, bright like a cats, but at the same time, cloudy, like he was always lost in thought, daydreaming. Looks could be deceiving though. He was quick in thought and reaction, surprising her in more than one occasion. He had the looks of an immortal, ivory smooth skin contrasting his dark wavy hair that had a habit of covering his beautiful eyes.

They tussled around with each other for a while, earning them aspirated sighs from the people still using the hall, well known by people for their childish antics, before separating their separate ways to their different classes.

Once Will was gone, Aki slipped into the restroom, and hit the wall straight in the face.

“Oww… Since when was there a wall here…” complained Aki, rubbing her head. She looked up in horror. The “wall” was actually the rock-hard solid abs of the meanest girl in school, Diana, an evil cheerleader flocked by her minions.

father

2007-07-29T22:26:00.000+08:00

I hate him
Down to his very core
He called me a failure
A failure in life
All my life's dreams
My future
My hopes and ambitions
Shattered in an instant
Why the hell did you have to say that
Father

I HAVE DECIDED TO POST MY BOOK HERE..BIT BY BIT..COME BACK TOMORROW FOR MORE:D

2007-07-29T18:22:00.000+08:00

THE PROPHESY

Flashes of images ran through her mind.

A small girl, barely five years old by the looks of her, was kneeling on the floor, sobbing her heart out over a body. A body soaked with blood and an injury so great and severe it would cause famed doctors all over the world to grimace in pity.

It had been one of the most famous and well-remembered vampire attacks in history. That night, a massive massacre froze the world in its never-ending slumber. The undead rose from their resting places, bent on wrecking havoc, and kicked off the slaughter of the century. They attacked, without mercy, on the mortal world. After all, they were just humans.

She had been a victim, five years ago. How could she have survived for so long, others wondered. She held on, determined, resisting the call of death. But slowly, her resolve weakened. And at the same time, her strength slowly ebbed from her, slowly, but gradually, and she fell to them, yet again, bowed to them, unknown to a single soul.

She had been heavy with child, the time of first crisis, and almost lost her. Her grief overcame her fear and obedience to them, and she broke free for the first time in history. But soon, they came back, seeking her out, forcing her back into service, punishing her greatly.

Rumors spread. Would the child be a vampire too? A bloodthirsty beast maybe? Villages were set at unrest, unsure of what to do. In time, the rumors died low, like a well-beaten fire, and everyone forgot about it.

The attack, brutal, deadly and ruthless. A tale that would be told for the many generations to come. Throughout the land, cries of help and suffering could be heard, while man after man bowed down in front of the face of death. Silent as the night that brought them, they came, armored with nothing but their teeth, claws, and their natural resistance to Man. They struck like lightning, swift and deadly. Many a man went down in just the first attack, tremendous wounds on the abdomen and head area.

The second attack came at dawn, when the mortals were tending to the injured and down. Vampires by the hoards came rising from the ink-dark waters of the cold clammy sea, bringing with them the hounds of the undead realm. Vicious claws and teeth bringing down men, women and children alike, snapping them up into their canine mouth, crunching on the skulls of the fallen, like puppies after bones.

She had been protecting her beloved daughter from the onslaught. The beasts chanced upon her, slaying her in an instant, deadly hounds snapping up the ex-follower’s bones, absorbing the needed nutrients into their systems. They turned on the girl, determined to continue with their pray, and struck down hard. Unknown to them, they made a fatal mistake on that. The moment physical contact was made, before they could sink their fatal fangs in, they disintegrated. Frightened and angry, the remaining vampires fled into the night, back to where they came from, but the girl had already passed out.

2007-07-29T14:35:00.000+08:00

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are aloof, mysterious, and distant.

People feel like they really don't know the true you...

Yet they're still drawn to you, almost by magnetic force.

Underneath it all, you don't even really feel like you know yourself.

It's easier to put on a front than really think about your life's purpose.

You tend to seem pretentious, but it's just a mechanism you use to push people away.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

WHY

2007-07-23T20:44:00.000+08:00

why can't you just accept me for who I am..
why do you want me to change so badly..
just so you can show off to your friends..
on who you possess?

why was I so blind as to fall in love with you..
your a stuck-up piece of dick
thats all you think off..
but still..
I can't get you out off my mind..
and I can't get on with my life..

MY LOLLIPOP

2007-07-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

I'll let you lick my ice-cream, and u can lick my lollipop X)
Man, that song is hot.

Anyway,i got a new lollipop.
Which is the best thing in the universe.
I can't survive without my lollipop.
Lollipops and ice-creams and mountains and grass.

BLOGTHINGZ

2007-07-17T20:01:00.000+08:00

me happened to take this blogthing..wonder if its true..

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Forlorn Philosopher.

Where You Lived: Spain.

How You Died: Suicide.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

weaknesses..

2007-07-10T21:04:00.001+08:00

today was the worst day i went through hell.
yea.thats what happened.to me.today.sucked shits.anyway,i went for module 2 at adam khoo..then this bloody insensitive jerk of a bloody fucked up guy,who loves barbie,and pink,and humping the floor while doing pushups,called me a boy and alot more things that just pissed me off straight away.and i cried.in front of that bloody asshole guy.and then,andrea princess came over and started telling me things,nice things,softly luh..and she scolded that asshole.REVENGE IS SWEET.

but the thing that worries me most is the fact i cried..it means i showed a weakness..one im not supposed to me..i hate weaknesses in myself..i may have them,but im not supposed to show them..thats me..strong on the outside..until i can take it no longer..and my defenses crumble.and thats when u see the true me hiding inside..

first loves<3

2007-07-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

first loves can be cruel..its when u dont know much about it..and you have no experiences..i watched him walk away from me..he used to be my best friend..before feelings changed..my feelings did the changing,while he was ignorant of everything.i didnt dare to tell him how i feel,afraid he would shun me..then he started telling me bout his crushes and with each word he said,i felt my heart break away..every time he told me bout a certain someone,deep inside my heart i would wish it never worked out..that i had a chance..then one day..he introduced me to his girlfriend..that day..i cried like never before..till my tears ran dry and there was no way i could cry anymore..after time,the pain has numbed..but just slightly..theres no way in the world i can ever forget the pain..

2007-07-04T22:14:00.000+08:00

anyways,my parents are shits.yep.cos of them shits,my handphone is bloody gone,and im falling into a WEIRD state of mind..so..NO SMSING/CALLING me hor.thanks.u can get me at 64699887, but if ur a guy,PLEASE be bloody careful my mum doesnt pick up the phone.hp number:91990660.will update u all when i got it back.thanks.

BEWARE

2007-06-29T18:50:00.000+08:00

since i havnt posted any crap for like who knows how long,i shall do something..
recently there was the damn sick assed pervert on friendster who wanted me to add him on msn and all..DONT DO IT.its bloody sick..he goes by the name of Uncle Gila,so if u see his picture/profile/blog,DO NOT ADD.its for the sake of ur eyes and ur brain.guys,no worries.girls,watch out mans.hes a damn sick pervert out on a hunt.dont fall into his trap.

a touching story

2007-06-23T21:51:00.000+08:00

"The cold walls bore down on me
Suffocating me with their grips
White, clean and spotless
An unnatural place to be
I hated it to the grave
A place like no other
Yet i was there
Out of my own free will
To offer condolences
To my unlucky friend"
-Calvin,get well soon.
You can do it,we're all behind you.
Don't give up on yourself.
Deborah wouldn't.
Javier wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
You shouldn't too.

taken outta my profile..

2007-06-21T21:49:00.000+08:00

I was brutally murdered
With my heart ripped out of my chest
And sliced to a million pieces
I turned into a droid
With no emotions
Especially the ability to love
Im like a mirror
A broken mirror
Never to be returned to its original state
My heart is broken
Split into many little pieces
To be found and put together by the right someone
I dont think its possible
Not now
Not ever
Its hurts so bad
Like having a hook through your heart
Pulling
Tugging away all the flesh
Leaving cold hard metal inside
The day i left this world
I cant take the pain anymore
Its best the way it is
Please
Dont make me feel the same pain again
Leave me
Now
the prophesy:
the son of light and daughter of dark will be born,one the same day.the on-coming battle will be unavoidable,a battle of power and dominance over the other.it will be fulfilled in due time.it is meant to be.
*the way i look at you,from the bottom of my heart tells the truth,of how i feel towards you.the words i speak cover it all up..the praise and love i feel in my heart..but u never said a single word to me,a silent passer-by in my daily life.a fleeting ghost,minding your own business,you do not love me,do not care for me the way i care for u.ive always yearned for you,deep within me,to accept my flaws and mistakes.but u never do.all i can say is,perhaps we were never meant to be,and i hope time will heal all wounds..*

2007-06-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

"I am who I am.
And no one can make me otherwise.
I see the truth for myself.
Through the fog of deceit.
I think for myself.
Make my own choices.
Befriend the people.
I see fit to know.
Fear is my friend.
A great ally.
The greatest weakness i know.
Is the softening of my heart.
I hate weaknesses.
It leaves me vulnerable.
To the unmerciful world.
Out in the open.
I have one wish.
A single wish.
To die alone.
Surrounded by thorns.
And a single rose."

DA BRAIN

2007-06-20T20:53:00.000+08:00

Left or Right?

LEFT OR RIGHT?

What's yours?

First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying.

Look at your hands. If you see :

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain

Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm ---> left brain

Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left

Considerate, traditional, indirect type
Can instinctual read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right

Loves challenges type
Straightforward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left

Dedicated, cold, perfectionist
Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right

Likes to take care of others, leader type.Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others

-thanks wenjie:D

2007-06-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

People can be damn annoying sometimes.
Like at times where theres damn important things.
And the bloody fool doesn't turn on his/her damn phone.
And theres no way of reaching the crazy idiot.
These kinds of situations really gets my blood boiling.
It pisses me off.
And it happens to me all the time.
Everyday.
No wonder i know that i'm gonna suffer from high blood pressure next time.
DAMN.
Sorry for the vulgarities but i really want to make my point.
IF your this kind of people,im sorry if i insulted you.
But please understand.
And try to change.
And by the way.
If theres anything bout me u don't like.
Just tell me for heavens sake.
I'd rather hear the truth from a friend.
Then from an enemy when im in a bad mood.
Or my boss when im working.
Thanks.

the beliefs of the dreamer.

2007-06-20T19:08:00.000+08:00

"LIFE IS LIKE A MIRROR
BROKEN, NEVER PERFECT
LOVE IS A NEUTRAL AFFAIR
IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU
THE WORLD IS BLEAK
LIKE A NEVER ENDING VOID
A DARK ABYSS
DEATH IS PLEASURABLE
MEMORABLE
IT JUST DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION
LIGHT IS BRIGHT
ALWAYS BLINDING
I CANNOT SEE
TEARS ARE A DEAD MANS FRIEND
A SIGN OF WEAKNESS
HOPE IS IMAGINARY
IT’S ALL IN THE MIND
FORGET IT
SUCCESS IS YOUR TROUBLE
YOUR ENEMY
AND YOUR DOWNFALL
FEAR IS ALL AROUND YOU
BENDING YOU DOWN
SUCCUMB TO IT
THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD
LIES ON MY SHOULDERS
HARSH
A BURDEN
TO A NORMAL HUMAN BEING
HAS’NT IT ALWAYS BEEN SO?"

thats my view on life.
reflect on it.
but its my belief.
not yours.

and.
that was before camp.
gonna write another one soon.

my message to all those out there

2007-06-20T11:47:00.000+08:00

Actually,
I dont really give a f*ck to what u think.
Im an independent thinker.
I think on my own.
U cant rule me.
No-one can.
Not even my mum.
You should all be independent thinkers.
Just like me.
Think on ur own.
Do ur own thing.
Stand out from the crowd.
Thats the only way.
To be free.
To be happy.
And successful.

A wise man once told me.
Life is full of challenges and surprises.
Its just up to you to react to them.
The way u react to them.
Determines the future u have.
Be wise.
Make the right choice.
No-one else can make it for u.
But always remember.
Choices have consequences.
Make the wrong choice.
Ur a goner.
There aint no way life is gonna wait and let u rewind it.
Make plans.
Have beliefs.
Thats what Adam and Gary and Ramesh and my coaches taught me.
I pass it on to u.
U gotta figure it out urself.
I aint gonna help u.
TOO BAD.

the effects of boredom.

2007-06-20T10:46:00.001+08:00

Boredom sucks.
It sucks like shit.
Boredom can do wonders on you.
It can make u do things u don't usually do.
Like fall asleep in the middle of the day.
Or spend the whole day on the comp.
Just viewing through these time-consuming blogs.
It can make u see things,
Like a hot guy standing in front of you,
When its just the old ah gong there,
Waiting for the newspaper money.
It can make you spend all your money at the arcade.
Just cos you have nothing else to do.
And want the entertainment.
Beware.
THE BLOODY EFFECTS OF BOREDOM.
LIKE NOW.

bananas.the truth behind them.

2007-06-20T10:43:00.000+08:00

As the world already knows.
Bananas are yellow.
Sometimes green.
They grow in bunches.
High up in trees.
Monkeys love them.
I do to.
What does that imply.
It implies that since i love them.
I am a monkey.
And since you're all the same species as me.
UR ALL MONKEYS TOO!!!

dedicated to:JAVIER-strong in body and soul

2007-06-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

the day the sky fell

2007-06-19T22:20:00.000+08:00

if i may share.
i will share.
thats what my teacher always said.
she drilled it in.
into my mind.
so i could never forget.
i shall share.
the story.
a true life-story.
do not laugh.
do not scoff.
it aint funny.
its tragic.
and i wouldnt wish it on any of u.

i was in school.perhaps 2 years ago.the call came.swift and strong.i left the school,anxiously,hurriedly,worriedly.word came from my mothers side of the family,all the way over in malaysia,that my grandmother,aged 85,suffered a massive stroke and was warded into the ICU over in Sabah.we all rushed over,hoping,praying we were'nt too late.we made it there,just barely.she was taking her last breaths.we each stepped forward,first her children,then her in-laws and finally,the grandchildren,over 30 of them,each solemn face,knowing the dire situation.we listened with care at her forced words of wisdom over us, and each got our private blessings,not to be known to others.i was the last one.she grasped my hand firmly in her withered hand,gave a shudder,and her hand went limp.on this,everyone rushed forward and i cant describe the feeling i had at that moment.the feeling of utter helplessness.of a pain so great it threatened to rip my heart in two.i lost a loved one for the first time in my life,and it hurt.alot.i never really forgot that pain,its just in me all the time,lying low,not dormant,until something sparks it off.like the loss of someone else.

i realized my reality,10.48pm,a certain tuesday